"So Joshua said to the Israelites: 'How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you?'" - Joshua 18:3

At tonight's gajung yaebae, Your Word was so personal and so lucid.  How perfect is your timing.  Any later and I probably would have made less of what you had promised or even forgotten it altogether.

Thank you. Thank you for who you are, for your grace, your provision, your wisdom, and for including me in your plan that's so much greater than I am. (ref. Joshua 18:3)

I am aware that I will face opposition and that it will not be easy, but I can't just sit here. I will put my trust in you.

-finalizing Bachelors degree
-MPH (Columbia? NYU? SB? UMDNJ? NYMC?)
-DDS or DMD
-working in a position where I could help multitudes of ppl, most likely of underpriviledged areas
-being a mentor to young girls and women

 

Everything's flying by so slowly.

 

There is so much of you I have yet to know and understand

Everything within me cries out to You

There's such an intense longing for more of You

I cannot hide it, quiet it, or ignore it.

 

Right when I start to thinkYou've passed me by

and left me alone, deserted and without anything

You open the eyes of my heart to Your presence.

You pick me up and embrace me gently and securely.

You remind me of Your promises and Your faithfulness.

You refresh my soul.

You teach me things I don't want to learn.

Break me

Then gather me in your hands

And piece me back together again.

It was ultimate bliss during our special time together, when I'd listen to what You had to say to me in Your own words. Time seemed to stop and nothing else mattered. I was totally enraptured in Your presence and I didn't want it to ever end. Those days seem so far away. What happened? How did we get so badly amiss?

I've been going through cyclic phases of yearning for more and feeling so distant.

It's been so hard alone. Even with the knowledge that You're always near and by my side it doesn't make it any easier. I keep asking and petitioning for a spiritual network. Everyone around me either is a "Christian" by name, doing "their own thing," burnt out, or is totally apathethic. They just don't care, and I'm just so tired and so weak.

I don't think I'm asking for much, am I? I know I'm to not lean on myself or anyone else, but only on You. But it's been years, God. How much longer will this continue? How long? What happened? Where's the rest of the body? I can't do it all, and You don't require that anyway, but who else will do it? I just want someone to pray with, to sing with, to cry with, to be afraid with, to be courageous with,... to grow with as we learn to be accountable for each other. And I'm not just talking about a boyfriend or a husband here, I really just want a spiritual friend. A real Christian friend. Someone who's unafraid to admit that they're not perfect and will trust in You to pilot them through all things. Why are you withholding this from me?

If it's something that I've missed or disregarded, open my eyes and help me see in Your perspective... to see past this present situation and see Your vision for the future. I want to see the reason for all this. Help me to understand.